Today marks the end of the 100 Days of Yoga. I made it for 99 days, with one of them inadvertently missed on day 91 (I’m gonna chalk that up to Red Sox-induced brain malfunction). I started these 100 days on the first day of the second round of teacher training. I’m now three months out of training, teaching classes that are “mine” in three studios around town, and several other community class and sub list spots at a variety of studios. Today is also the night before my birthday. Last year on my birthday, I made a vision board with a list on the back. On that list, I wrote out a simple list of goals that I wanted to incorporate throughout the year–it was really basic day-to-day stuff, much of which I didn’t do (yeah, still can’t play the guitar). One of them, though, was going to a yoga class once a week. It wasn’t that I wasn’t doing yoga at that point, but I’d gotten really into practicing at home. I thought it was important to get out just to mix up the practice and also, hopefully, to meet new friends in the yoga community.
Funny how that spiraled. That one class I started going to in November of 2012 turned into two classes per week, then four. I met my favorite teacher, T., who ultimately inspired me to go to BBY for training, just like she had. A year later, she owns her own studio, CCY, which has become one of my favorite places to hang out, and also where I work as a studio manager and a teacher. All of that happened in less than 365 days. It’s pretty crazy how life works. You really never do know what’s in store. On the eve of my last birthday, I would have never guessed where I’d be today. And I didn’t even know some of the people who are big players in my life today.
This post is really supposed to be about the last 100 days, but it feels like it’s sort of a round-up of the year, too. My friend came into town for a little pre-birthday celebration this weekend and I was telling her how it suddenly hit me what a great year this has been. It’s definitely the first great year I’ve had since my brother died nearly four years ago, so it feels extra good. I mean, sure, there were some tough moments this year just as there are every year, but the only real sustained down this year was the demise of my relationship with Paul. And I can hardly even count that because it’s what initiated all of the best things this year. Without that, I just can’t imagine that I would’ve ended up in teacher training when I did. And without that, well, everything would be different right now. I would be different right now.
The past 100 days (okay, okay, 99) have been surprisingly not challenging in a physical way. At this point, I know that I really want to be on my mat at some point every day, whether that’s at a studio or at home. And I also know that the days I don’t want to be on the mat for whatever reason are the days that I most need to get my ass on a mat, pronto. Most of my yoga practice these past 100 days has taken place off the mat. It’s been being petrified at auditions; learning to work through the disappointment of auditions that don’t go well, and accepting the rejection that comes with a new career path; fighting nerves to get up in front of people and teach; dealing with my long-standing body issues in an industry that inherently makes you aware of your physique; forcing myself into social situations that scare me.
But because of all of this, I feel strong in a way that I never have before. I feel more me than I ever have before. I’ve learned to speak up for what I want, even if I’m not always the most eloquent and graceful at it. I’ve learned to find fulfillment within myself rather than from outside relationships. I’ve learned to let go, and remain open while doing so, even if that means experiencing emotions that are difficult.
I’ve got a long way to go. The truth of the matter is that every day from here on out should be a perpetual 100 Days of Yoga. It should involve risk and conquering fears and putting myself out there and being the truest version of me I can be. But I know it’s worth it because if there has been another 100 days in my life where I’ve felt as alive and content and as though the world is as full of goodness and possibility as I have for the past few months, I certainly couldn’t tell you when it was.
Thanks for coming along for this journey with me. I’m sure there’s more to come.